May 20, 2006

Chapter 16

Parkinson’s chain letters!

Back by popular demand! The official soundtrack of
The Sabre Tooth Tiger Edition of Bob’s Basement Bootleg Blues for Baby Boomers Battling the Beast

It’s an MP3 Data disc offering you 13 and 1/2 hours of music that Parkinson’s blues fans dance to every day. And it circulates around the world as a chain letter. We guarantee that after you purchase this fine collector’s item, you will never, never be attacked by a Sabre Tooth Tiger. None of our competitors offer that guarantee. It’s almost all Blues, selected from the thousands of hours of Blues in Darcey Jerrom’s library at Friday Night Blues & Beer at But it is not all Blues: we sent a copy to a Parkinson’s dance group in Barcelona and they added on some songs in Spanish and Catalan and sent it back, so we dance to each other’s music, and then I think it was Carlos Hernz (“Bad Kitty Fridays” “I Has The Parkinson’s”) who added the Radio Tarifa drums (radio station that serves southern Spain, Gibraltar and North Africa) and then Madman Marty added in some Dead Can Dance, with a note saying “well I guess then we can dance too”, and somebody in Poland added a few tiny bits of burning Gypsy violin – wish we had more of that.

Anyway, that’s how it works. It’s a chain letter. You download the music onto your computer; dance to it a lot until you find the songs that speak for you; the songs that have an emotional impact on you, the songs you can imagine yourself singing to a huge audience or to one person. Then you delete the songs that you don’t like, add in some more songs that you like, burn a new disc, and pass it on to someone with Parkinson’s or to someone without Parkinson’s who should know about it. It’s a chain letter. Do not break the thread. Pass it on, and you will win the lottery and famous movie stars will ring your doorbell, wanting to go to bed with you. Fail to pass it on, and there is a mathematically quantifiable possibility that you will be struck by a meteorite, a misfortune so rare that they will name it after you.


For the first time ever, the Sabre Tooth Tiger edition of Bob’s Basement Bootleg Blues for Baby Boomers Battling the Beast contains a SPECIAL BONUS TRACK !!!! By popular demand, we have added a wedding song chosen by The Breeze: “Baby Likes to Rock it like a Boogie – Woogie Choo Choo Train.”

Our money-back guarantee: If you are not fully satisfied with this dance music, return the portion of the music you have not listened to and we will return the portion of your money we have not spent. None of our competitors offer the same guarantee.

How much do you usually pay for a one-hour album, with 7 or 8 songs, of which you only like 2 or 3? Maybe $25?
So 13 and a half hours of music would cost you $337.50.
And how much are we charging for 13 and a half hours of great music?

$10 Canadian!!!
That's right! For only $10 Canadian, or some vaguely equivalent amount in some other currency, shipping and handling included, we will burn 2 discs on a computer, mail one to you, and give the second one to someone with Parkinson's or someone without Parkinson's who should know better.

Don’t delay! Click here to send an e-mail to the Parkinson’s Blues Chain Letter Committee. We will e-mail back, revealing the top secret address of our World Headquarters, and then you can send the $10 check, money order or something interesting and we will send you a copy of the exclusive Sabre Tooth Tiger Edition, burned one at a time, especially for you. When the cure for Parkinson’s finally comes (and it will) you will have in your possession this unique artifact, a musical chain letter of dance music for people who are not supposed to be able to dance. Order your copy now and play it LOUD.

It's just an example. Make your own. Whatever kind of music turns you on, baby. Whatever floats your boat. Do your own thing in your own time in your own way. Maybe you want waltz music. So, delete a bunch of songs you don't like and add music you do like and pass it on. It's music for people who are not supposed to be able to dance. But they do. What's up with that? If enough people ask the question maybe someday somebody will look for the answer. It would be interesting to know. Maybe dancing is just a temporary rush, like a strong cup of coffee. Or maybe the dancing and music part of the brain is heavily re-enforced and highly protected, because we were dancing tens of thousands of years before agriculture; we were making music and dancing before we had language, before we had shelters. Banging on sticks and chanting and dancing scared away the sabre tooth tigers. Just as, last week, a neighbour put up a “For Sale” sign on his lawn. As we say, PLAY IT LOUD. If the neighbours do not call the police, then it is not LOUD enough. The music has to drown out that chatter in your head and you have to find the Zone where you float and you're completely in harmony, lost in the music. And for wonderful moments, you are cured.

And that's what this Sabre Toothed Tiger MP3 is for. We dance to it. We even compete with ourselves and each other, over the internet. (Few of us have actually met.) When it's someone who can barely walk, who cannot feed themselves because they cannot hold a spoon, they cannot button or unbutton a coat; the first time they get up and dance and everybody is stunned; usually they just get through the first song. Is it possible to extend those minutes into hours? Is it possible to extend those hours into days? Is it possible to extend those days into years? I mean, I'd go for that.

And so, one song is not enough. Soon you dance through three songs. And then somebody reports they danced starting from I Got the Blues All over Me:
"The Blues got in my eyes last night, and I couldn’t sleep
the Blues got in my mouth at breakfast time, and I couldn’t eat
you know I got the Blues all over me
the Blues got in my mouth and I couldn’t talk
the Blues got in my feet like arthritis and I couldn’t walk
I wonder why the Blues won’t let me be”
(a perfect description of Parkinson’s)
And they danced all the way to Born to Play the Blues:
“Some folk was born to fly airplanes
some folk was born to stay on the ground
some folk was born to lift your spirits
some folk was born to bring your sprits down
some folk was born to tell you the truth
some folk can’t help but tell you lies
it put my mind to wondering
maybe some folk was born just to play the Blues.”

And some people eventually get through the whole 13 ½ hours. Not dancing all the time – taking breaks and all, and generally horsing around, taking the whole day off; letting the music flow through them for 13 ½ hours. The absence of symptoms is not perfect – you have to fight sometimes to keep yourself in the Zone; you tend to drift in and out, it takes a lot of persistence and joyous effort. TRY IT. I MEAN YOU OUT THERE, WHETHER YOU HAVE PARKINSON’S OR NOT. TRY TO FOLLOW THIS FOR 13 ½ HOURS. Can you keep up with us Parkies on the dance floor?

This disc is also to help you search for Blues Advice, when the Johnny Walker Wisdom runs out.

Here, for example, Penny Lang advises you to find out what fills you with bliss (the Zone) and to follow it: (Penny’s Blues)
I never once did anything at the moment I did not want to do
Some say I’m just plain crazy
But I look back and say what the hell is wrong with you
You got the money-man on the left
You got the landlord on the right
You got not another job for three months
And you’re out of sight
You’re losing it baby
You got to try to keep it all in
So you just stay in your kitchen
And paint another wall or write:
“It’s time to begin”
You know I have friends who like to act
And some paint and some like to dance
They’ve been working at their craft, you know
But they never even get one chance
And they’re doing ok with what they do
But they just can’t seem to get it out to you
But what I want to say is
You’ve all got something you know that you can do
You’ve all got something that gets to you
But if it hits you the wrong way
Honey that’s not the thing you should be paying attention to
Find out what it is
He said “Follow your bliss”
That man knew what it is we ought to do

Penny Lang
Follow your bliss.

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